Making Home Our Happy Place: Inadequacy

Focus concept: Feelings of inadequacy

Note: If you believe that your child suffers from an anxiety disorder, please discuss this with your pediatrician. They may recommend that you seek the assistance of a clinically trained therapist for a diagnosis and treatment plan. This person may be a psychologist, family therapist, psychiatrist or advanced practice registered nurse. This skilled clinician can make recommendations to your child’s school and help you with concerns related to your child’s anxiety at home.

Your child may exhibit anxiety at home as well as at school.  This can add stress to your family dynamic. Gaining understanding of anxiety triggers can assist your family in helping your child feel less anxious.

Identifying anxiety triggers can help you better understand your child’s reactions to certain situations.

Possible triggers may include:

-          too much unstructured time (how to spend time)

-          not enough unstructured time (schedule overload)

-          feelings of inadequacy toward a particular activity (I’m not a good enough at _______.)

-          family members arguing

-          sibling rivalry

-          a need to please others

-          lack of perfection in completing a task

-          unfamiliar guests in your home (meeting new people)

-          homework/projects

-          due dates/timelines

-          schedules that change (my friend can’t come over, we won’t be able to _______.)

-          peer issues at school or in the neighborhood (teasing, bullying, isolation …)

Let’s dig into the third concept: Feelings of inadequacy

Anxiety often has a root in perfectionism. Some children (and adults) would rather avoid an activity than experience potential failure.

Creating a judgement free zone at home can assist your child in trying new experiences before engaging in a group activity. This might include things like kicking a soccer ball around at the park or in your yard or singing a song for you or reading a script before signing up for an audition.

More than anything, parents can help their child understand that becoming good at something takes a lot of practice and patience. 

Help your child set reasonable goals. For example, being a starting player on a sports team may not be realistic during a child’s first sports season -- but being a part of the team is a great first step as they build their skills. Similarly, landing a chorus role in the school play (vs. the lead) will help them learn what it takes to potentially step into a larger role down the road.